||[Jul. 5th, 2004|04:38 pm]
For those who might have seen some comments left on my post right before I left the UK thursday: No, I never had a sex change (or my parents really hid it well from me!)
Interestingly enough (for me at least), they did change my name when I was about 4, from a name my father's family wanted, to the one my mother thought fit me better, and that she did want me to have. They accompanied the change by giving me a doll which was named with my old name, and which somehow, maybe, in some way, acquired my past personality (or something!...) But both names were masculine. OK, I may have been raised a bit girlishly when I was very young, and I suspect this is because my mother wanted a girl after my older brother (all her children were alternatively a girl, a boy, a girl, a boy... except me who came after a boy.) And yes, she made other mistakes, but nothing that makes of me somebody unable to function well in my present role as a man (well, OK, not totally true in some senses, as for some reason I haven't gone out with a girl for some time now, but I won't go into that yet.)
I didn't have a sex change and I don't think I would ever do so: first off, it is very expensive and cumbersome and risky, secondly, while there are exceptions, the result is not very good most of the time, thirdly, it is quite easy to simply disguise oneself as a girl and not get through all the surgery (remember, everything is in the breasts and hairs, as soon as you fake the breasts and put a nice hat or a wig, you can look like an OK girl. Well, you still have to find OK clothes and shoes, but really, it is not difficult. Not that I am much into cross-dressing, but given some recent experiences with that, I may, I may...)
Fourthly, quite frankly, I am quite happy with being a man, as long as I find enough freedom to express my more feminine parts. I think you can be a man in the present society and not be too limited by your gender role. It is a matter of will (and I must acknowledge that while I say this, my behavior is most of the time quite masculine and it is only in the last few months that I have tried to go a bit against my gender roles in my behavior towards others (i.e. be a bit more caring and be a bit less stiff))
If those efforts fails, then maybe I would consider more radical change, but I find "gender bending" more interesting, courageous and socially progressive than simply changing gender. I.e., I prefer a society without gender based on sex to a society where people have to change sex to change gender.
Finally, thanks to those who commented. It is nice to see I don't write in a total void.