||[Dec. 19th, 2004|07:21 pm]
I am really enjoying growing my hair. This is because along with this comes a greater readiness to stop trying to control it. In the past, I didn't enjoy it as much as I always hated how thick my hair was, and would try to tame it, using gels and getting it cut quite short. In the times where I let it grow, there were some nightmarish days, when I was ashamed of how they looked, when they did not look smooth and controlled. I hated how my hair would curl and form some sort of golden corolla around my head. I thought it looked ridiculous.
Now, I don't know if this is because I am more relaxed and self-confident, or because my hair is not as wild as it was, or because I use conditioner, or because my environment is more tolerant, anyway, I am able to go out with my hair in its wild natural state. I enjoy looking at it and touching it too.
I still do think I look better when I discipline it, but I think that it will become naturally less ruffled as it keeps on growing and becomes heavier. See my icon? I think it would become like that, or at least that is what previous experience tells me. And that would have made me feel awkward previously while I MAY be at ease like this now (I am not sure, we will see).
Anyway, the main breakthrough is this: I am more comfortable with myself, less reluctant in affirming my personality. I do feel quite good those days. You know the story of Dalida vs. Samson, how she cut his hair and he lost his strength? There is some truth to that. More hair = more sensuality = liberation and enjoyment = more strength and openness in other fields too. I think everybody should grow its hair AND take good care of it. Short hair = discipline = repression. It is no wonder short hair is the norm in the army.
Long hair is a statement of freedom, and some people feel threatened by it. I am not imagining things; I gathered evidence! (Remarks and some stares) Which are compensated by envious and/or admiring looks by others. Which is cool. I think many people appreciate looking at nice hair, spontaneous, refreshing. People generally like seeing others happy, or at least, looking happy.