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Saravana

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Reality [Nov. 19th, 2004|08:51 pm]
Saravana
OK, so I visited the “small” house I was talking about and well, it is not small at all: a living room, a dining room, a kitchen, 2 bathrooms, one bedroom and one guestroom upstairs, lots of storage space, a very small courtyard… I am quite impressed. View on the cathedral, and super small garden with a wooden bench and a little tree, which gives out on the quay and then the river… two beautiful bridges on sight… woah!

I will definitely take it, I even negotiated the possibility to have a cat there (I may not use that opportunity, but I wanted to keep the possibility… I quite like having a pet, not that I really love the cat that is here at my friend’s house, but it is a nice presence and cats are amusing and so… free! It is a good reminder for me, everyday, to relax and feel good in my body… because they look so good!

Yesterday night, we were entertaining an American guest, and I noticed he was kind’a awkward when I came close to him. He made a remark at one point, as I was holding an umbrella over him, that really, he didn’t mind being under the rain, that he was not made of sugar, etc, etc. I quickly realized he thought I was hitting on him and didn't want anybody to think he consented to it, so as a joke I was even more forceful afterwards, taking care of him at the restaurant, pouring him some wine, making sure he was OK, chit-chatting him and he was so embarrassed it was real fun. LOL. I am evil. I don’t think the others noticed the game I was playing, so the joke was lost on them, but I was laughing inside.

Oh, and he was kind’a cute too. I guess that is what happens when you play the game too well: you come under your own illusion and start feeling what you are supposed to be feeling. And believe in those feelings too!
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: blueyellow
2004-11-19 01:05 pm (UTC)
of course the american thought you were hitting on him.
*rolls eyes*
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[User Picture]From: saravana
2004-11-19 01:14 pm (UTC)
I don't like ambiguous comments, that really pisses me off. Next time be more explicit or get out.
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[User Picture]From: blueyellow
2004-11-19 01:45 pm (UTC)
whoa. dude.
my apologies. i didn't think i was being ambiguous.

i was simply making a generalization about americans.
you behaviour (ie. umbrella) seemed pretty harmless to me.
but good on you for increasing his embarassment.
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[User Picture]From: saravana
2004-11-19 02:08 pm (UTC)
OK, no problem, just don't call me dude. LOL.

You are right, that was actually what I found funny, I was being totally normal and "prevenant" (as we say in French, prevenant = considerate) and I was a bit miffed that he would think I was hitting on him (although I guess it didn't help I had a cute white flower on my coat and he probably didn't know it was the white poppy I was talking about recently).

I had that imagery that he thought I was an evil evil gay fag faggot (which I am not, at least not to my knowing, but many people think "cute"="gay") so I took the opportunity to make him even more flustered. He probably was a closet homosexual anyway, so he must have enjoyed it secretly. I am a nice person like that, I always try to fulfill people's secret desires ;-)

The reason I was pissed off at your comment is that there is a very valid alternative interpretation, which is that I secretly found him rather cute, and then tried to hide it to myself by pretending to be acting when in fact what I acted was real. If you see what I mean. And that would make of me a rather shameful hypocrite.

I guess the right explanation is in the middle: I enjoy flirting, and guys are amusing to flirt with, in a different way than with girls. (you don't flirt the same way with a guy than with a girl, and I guess I wanted to see what it felt to be flirting like a girl would do... 'cause I don't know how gay people flirt with each other... that I can't act.)

So yeah, please, next time: long comment, not a soundbite. I have had to ban nice people before because although they were nice and well meaning at heart, every of their comments made me angry or confused. That is what happens when characters don't match, I guess.

I am very defensive, just know that. I know it is bad, but I am like that, so people have to make do with it because I can't change.
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[User Picture]From: blueyellow
2004-11-19 06:47 pm (UTC)
rest assured i am not nice, unlike those who suffered your banning. :)
but in this case i was genuinely trying giving you props,
applause, whatever you want to call it.

i aim to to say as much as possible with as few words as possible.
sometimes i am successful, sometimes, clearly, i am not.

who said being defensive is bad?
there is certainly no use, in my opinion,
defending whatver defensive behaviour you may think you possess.
wear it proudly, man.


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[User Picture]From: saravana
2004-11-20 03:01 am (UTC)
Tee he he. I made the personal parts of my post friends only now, so you can't reply! LOL.

I wear my defensive behavior proudly, in fact I was _defending_ it, as you noticed, but I would have preferred "wear it proudly, woman" to "wear it proudly, man" as I don't consider myself as a man (although I have no problem with my body as it is, in fact I quite like it). It is a matter of gender.

That doesn't mean you should address me as "girl" or "sweety" or "honey" though, it would make my other LJ friends jump up and wonder how cruel I can be not to have told you I was a ... oh horror ... male!
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[User Picture]From: loreeley
2004-11-19 04:37 pm (UTC)
I walked along the Thames today (I'm talking about it in a post) and it was so beautiful and I wished I could live there. It made me think of you and your new house and that it will be a nice thing for you to be close to water and I hope you too will love it.
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[User Picture]From: saravana
2004-11-20 02:37 am (UTC)
That is amazing; that is exactly it, same ambience although my river is a lot smaller and there are no big buildings along it too. But very calm and with the same kind of bridges.

So now, you know where I will be living ;-P I will make sure to post pictures! (although taking night pictures is rather difficult, and those of you are really good, so the challenge isgreat!)
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[User Picture]From: loreeley
2004-11-20 03:13 am (UTC)
I think I am starting to appreciate this neighborhood much more, as I discover its hidden beauty. And hopefully it will feel like home soon.
I still miss Brighton - I have never become attached to a place so fast before - but I do like London a lot too. London is like an oyster; even though the outside shell isn't unpretty by any means, it takes a lot to really appreciate its true beauty even in the plain-ness. But the inside, once the oyster has been opened, so beautiful, shiny and complex. Sometimes even, one can find the most beautiful pearls that exist almost nowhere else.



I really do wonder where you live sometimes. I don't feel I need to know at all, but I like to imagine and paint a picture in my head, just imagining. I don't think it's very far away, but it is still a mystery. For all I know, we could be crossing each other in the street some day and would never know it. I like that fact, the mystery yet interconnection of all things.
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