|Note to myself
||[Oct. 22nd, 2004|06:31 pm]
One important thing to remember: When you don't feel esteem for somebody, when the only reason you entertain that person is because of curiosity, then, you should stop and re-evaluate your behavior and relation, because your lack of respect will show, sooner or later, and probably not in an healthy way.
The question is then: How do you move from simple curiosity to empathy and liking without going into the pond of disgust? Or, another danger, how do you avoid the mire of indifference?
Because one day or another, you have to reach out to people who are different from you. Open up a bit. And those people are like you; they usually do not want to be reached, especially by somebody who does not belong to their circle.
So, how do you find the middle ground between being indifferent to people, and then only frequenting people you are comfortable with, and being a dilettante, and then going from people to people with sick curiosity without going further.
2004-10-23 05:45 pm (UTC)
I do not know if this was written in relation to the episode in my LJ. I have a hunch. I have the same dilemma myself because I do want to learn about other people, but sometimes I just don't like them or I am indifferent to them, as human beings. It's totally okay to just not like people, you know? (Even for trivial or unknown reasons.) That's a part of life. And your disinterest/dislike for people does not have to magnify itself into prejudices, if you recognize it for what it is.
I have found that in life, there will be people you will get along with well, in the sense of having similar (or complimentary) temporality, interests, life philosophies, feelings, blah blah blah, and you can ethically bridge differences with those people. (Like the connection is a caring and honest one.)
Alternately, there are times you can be in coalition building with people, and you are mutually using each other for the sick-interest factor, but it's not as exploitive because it's mutual.
I am aware of the fact that I am often the subject of negative curiosity for people.
In any case, regardless of why I had to drop you from my friends list, I don't hate you. There were some things about you that I liked from the get-go, which was why I added you. But there is some truth to the fact that you don't "belong" in my inner circle, which is totally not your fault at all (and I'm sure you are aware of that). Anyway, I wish you the best.
Well, you gave me the occasion to write this, but it is a more general sentiment. It is written in the first person, me, but it is OK if you feel that text represents your feelings too.
I relate quite well with a wide diversity of people in "real" life, but find it difficult to go much beyond. Even though I always ask them personal questions and try to gently get them to tell me about what I find interesting in them (their motivation, their outlook, etc).
Like you I have nothing against you. I may indeed "use" you as a learning experience, a way to maybe better communicate later with people similar to you (which, really, a big part of LJ is about for me).
So yeah, cheers as they say in the UK, good luck, bonne chance. There is one thing I do like with you, and it is that you are quite a complete person who can play with a whole range of emotions and express them too. This is why I followed you, because I am working myself on being able to express and represent many feelings and many states of minds.
Hmm, just realized I do use the second person all the time when I talk about myself, which may have confused you into thinking I was talking to you whereas I was in fact talking to myself ;-P
No, I am not crazy. I don't talk to myself in a loud voice. Well, that is the criteria I use to distinguish mad people and me :-D
PS: The title of the post is actually "Notes to myself"! I should make of this the title of my journal.