||[Oct. 9th, 2004|09:52 am]
Dream this morning of fusion with a girl. Very non sexual. First meeting, discussing then walking hand in had, then coming closer together, on the bank of a river, laughing, getting progressively more nude, then she touches my balls and I begin exploring her nether regions, with various fantasms of a vagina coming up one after the other (a bushy volcano, a bloody hole, an hungry mouth, etc). She had short hair on her legs, very similar to mines. As the dream progressed, it was more and more about fusion and less about going together.
I was scared all the while observing my reactions to love, wondering if I was able to withstand it, if I oculd be worth it.
But then realizing that was her free choice.
Also thinking: wow, this is really going to change my life, how will I live without all that anger building in me.
And when I woke up I was discouraged realizing that anger was still there for me to live with.
But still, in my dream, I felt love, which is an improvement. Confronted with love. Trying to love in return.