||[Sep. 28th, 2004|10:10 pm]
I should do more breathing exercises in the morning. It is especially amazing when after a session, you still try during some while to keep your attention on your breathing.
I had an interesting experience that way; it was when I looked in the mirror and was not interested at all in what I saw. More to the point: I didn’t recognize it as part of myself. Because the appearance is such a thin layer on top of yourself. I spend so much time paying attention to the outside.
I became conscious of that fact when I realized how, as I noticed myself in the mirror, my eyes lost their attention to the inside and turned themselves outward, bulging. And no, I am not describing some freak experience. If you paid attention to it, you would realize your eyes too are deformed by that attention to the outside. What I describe is simply becoming aware of what you do.
This is also when I realized the role of the mirror in building the ego. In a very specific way that is different from how others perceive yourself. I think there could be some work to do on the difference in the mirror-ego and the social ego.
Another experience: when washing myself, not interested in the SURFACE, but in the inside, the movement, etc. There is so much in us that is devoted to paying attention to the surface of things, and not experiencing them from the inside.